Torah for Christians: Jews and Christmas Redux
TORAH FOR CHRISTIANS
SEASON TWO EPISODE TWENTY-EIGHT
JEWS AND CHRISTMAS
Christmas is a wonderful time of the year. Lights decorate many of our homes; trees are sparkling; eggnog is served; special music is playing and “It’s a Wonderful Life” is on television. Millennials talk about how they are actually going to spend time with their families and kids look forward to seeing Santa at the mall.
Christmas is a wonderful time of the year. But it’s not MY time. What happens at Christmas if you are Jewish? Let’s find out. I’m Rabbi Jordan Parr and this is Torah for Christians.
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Welcome to Torah for Christians. I’m Rabbi Jordan Parr.
Have you ever been to a party where you didn’t know a soul? And to make it worse, there is nobody who talks to you or even reaches out. What do you do? I usually just leave. Nobody noticed me entering; they certainly won’t notice me leaving.
Christmas is such a party for me. Many Jews feel that they are at a party where they were not invited. But unlike a typical cocktail party, there is no way to leave. There is no escape, no back door. People may be nice but we know that we really should not be here.
Believe me when I say it’s a wonderful party. The Christmas season is a magical time of year, with office and home affairs galore and ugly sweaters everywhere. But as a Jew, I am an outsider looking in. I confess I have a touch of seasonal affective disorder in December, a condition that makes me a bit depressed when I see Christmas all around me.
Two ubiquitous symbols of Christmas, the tree and Santa Claus, are symptoms of this condition. They are visual reminders that we Jews are not part of this holiday, no matter how much joy they represent.
When I look at a Christmas tree, I see a holiday which is not mine. I admire a beautifully trimmed tree but when I am in a home with a Christmas tree, it’s uncomfortable. I have walked into an alien culture.
We will come back to the tree in just a minute. First though, let’s talk about that other great symbol of Christmas, Santa Claus. We have all seen Santa in his sleigh coming down 5th Avenue at the end of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. We have all seen Santa at the mall, at football games and all over town. We have even sat on Santa’s knee once or twice.
I confess that I only sat on his knee once, when I was about 5 years old. And the man who dressed as Santa was the father of one of my kindergarten classmates – and he was Jewish! All of us thought that was quite funny, even as 5-year-olds. But that was the only time I ever sat on his lap – and my kids never did when they were little. Were we fool enough to go to a mall during Christmas season, we would just walk past Santa’s exhibit.
Since my kids had never been exposed to him, they just shrugged it off; they didn’t feel that they missed anything. And when my daughter was little, she would always tell people proudly when they asked her what Santa was bringing her that Santa was bringing her nothing because, in her words, “Santa only went to the Christian homes.”
You might rightly ask, though, “Haven’t I seen Jews celebrate Christmas? Aren’t there Jews who decorate a Christmas tree or take their kids to see Santa?” The answer to both is yes. The answer reflects syncretism, the adoption of customs from the larger world, and the desire to fit in. But there are other, more subtle reasons as well.
For example, many Jews are married to non-Jews, perhaps as many as 50% of the non-Orthodox Jewish population marries out of the faith. This is a major issue but when it comes to Christmas, we must acknowledge that there is a non-Jewish partner in the home who wants to bring his or her traditions into the household. That non-Jewish partner might want a tree. While I always suggest celebrating Christian holidays at the non-Jewish in-law’s home, that is not always possible. So, there may be a Christmas tree in a Jewish home.
Likewise for Santa. That non-Jewish parent may have fond memories of sitting on Santa’s lap as a child. They want the same for their kids. And so, they trudge to the mall.
None of this is to say that the kids, or the home in general, lack a Jewish identity. If the family belongs to a synagogue, if the kids are being raised as Jews, if the non-Jewish partner is a willing participant in creating a Jewish home – and that parent often is – then there is nothing wrong, in my opinion, with this melding of two different faith traditions. Our fear is what happens where there is not a strong Jewish presence in the home; perhaps the parents just don’t care about religion, have decided to “do both,” refuse to join any synagogue or church or, in the worst case, expose the children to both faith traditions and “let the children decide when they are adults.” This can lead to confusion and the lack of a religious identity amongst the children – in either faith, which in my opinion, is sad. It is an abdication of parental responsibility.
Maybe the intermarried parents are each strong in their separate faith traditions. Then the problems extend far beyond a Christmas tree; they often have trouble deciding upon a religious identity for their children – which may cause the children, when they grow up, to reject religion altogether for fear of alienating one of their parents if they decide to identify with the other tradition.
Finally, we must talk about what has come to be called the “December Dilemma.” We must realize that the prevalence of Christmas decorations, trees and Christmas songs in the public schools is a huge problem for Jews and others who do not consider themselves Christian. Calling Christmas concerts holiday concerts just hides the reality that the Christmas season is part of the school year.
Allow me to explain. From parents of younger children, I have heard complaints that, for example, their kids are coming home with worksheets that ask them to count how many Santas are in the picture. Or the 5th Graders are singing holiday songs at the December pageant.
Sometimes this student is the only Jewish school in the class, if not in the entire school. I assure these parents that there is no hostile motive at play here; the school and its teachers simply don’t know that Christmas is not for everyone. In fact, it is quite inconceivable for them to consider this possibility until we raise this point with them.
Sometimes though, the solution is worse than the problem. For example, the teacher might suggest that instead of a worksheet counting Santas, they look for a worksheet counting Hanukkah menorahs, which creates a false equivalence which we’ll address in a few minutes. Or perhaps they add “I had a little dreidl” to the Winter program. Yet, the kids have no context for these activities; were the teacher to actually teach non-Christian holidays, such as Hanukkah, Kwanzaa or Diwali, that would be nice. But it seems gratuitous at best to just throw in a song to be “inclusive without teaching the context of the music.
After the break, there is another point of confusion to clear up: is there any connection between Hanukkah and Christmas?
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Welcome back to Torah for Christians. I’m Rabbi Jordan Parr. Before we return to our discussion of Jews and Christmas, I want to thank you for listening to this podcast. Please remember to review and rate this episode on Apple, Spotify, or whatever service you are using. And I’m pleased to announce that we are now on Facebook. Also, please go back and listen to previous episodes if you have not done so already.
I don’t get angry when somebody asks me if Hanukkah is the “Jewish Christmas;” it just means that I have some explaining to do. I assume the person asking does not have any malicious intent. I see it as an opportunity to enlighten.
The only fact that the two holidays have in common is their placement on the calendar. As you know, the Hebrew calendar is lunar based; in comparison to the solar secular calendar, the starting date of Hanukkah can vary from Thanksgiving weekend to just before December 25. Often, one of the nights of Hanukkah will overlap Christmas Eve; sometimes the holiday doesn’t end until New Year’s Eve. Both the Thanksgiving weekend start, and the New Year’s end are rare, but they do happen. But the Christmas overlap is rather common.
This overlap is the reason why people ask the question. But when we remember that Christmas celebrates the birth of Jesus and Hanukkah celebrates the rededication of the Second Temple about 145 years before Jesus’ birth, then clearly there is no connection.
Except for one. Whether gift-giving on Christmas is an inherent part of the holiday or if it is overblown due to great marketing by big retailers, the idea of giving gifts has migrated to Hanukkah, at least in the United States. In the Jewish tradition, gift giving is a critical part of the holiday of Purim, when Jews gave each other gifts after Esther and Mordechai saved the people from the evil Haman. On Hanukkah, as we discussed in a previous podcast, Jews would give their children a few coins, gelt, as a present. Often, they would gamble these coins in their game of dreidel.
Today, the gelt is usually chocolate and the gifts are plenty. Most Christian children receive a lot of gifts on Christmas, from parents, grandparents, and many others. But often, these kids get the gifts at one time, when they crawl under the tree to retrieve them on Christmas morning. For Jews, we give gifts on each of the 8 nights, perhaps though only one gift per night. In my family tradition, we would hold the gifts from the grandparents and other relatives so that we could spread them out over each night. We also insisted on one night of home-made gifts and one night where we gave each other a book of “mitzvah coupons,” where, for example, we can take a coupon for a kid to clean her room – and she would have to clean it, immediately and without question. We also gave our kids a book of coupons, such as a “get out of jail free” coupon for when we would be mad at them. So yes, gift giving has become an intrinsic part of Hanukkah, due to the influence of Christmas.
There is one more question that people ask me about Jews and Christmas. What do Jews do on Christmas? After all, we don’t go to Church; we don’t have family dinners; we don’t make this a special night or day; so what do we do? Binge on Netflix?
A few years ago, a man by the name of Brandon Walker wrote a fun song called “Chinese Food for Christmas.” This is what Jews do on Christmas; they eat Chinese food and go to a movie. Really, this is the unofficial tradition for American Jews. Why?
In the past, Chinese restaurants were the only restaurants open on Christmas Eve. Many Chinese were not Christian so we Jews had something in common. Plus, there is no history of official anti-Semitism in China itself, perhaps because there were no Jews or even Christians in China for centuries. And Chinese restaurants are usually family-owned, which also appeals to Jews, many of whom built their own family businesses throughout the early 20th Century, when we Jews were also considered immigrants. So yes, there are a lot of similarities between the Chinese and the Jewish communities. And while many Jews prefer sushi, pho or Korean barbeque today, they can often find those restaurants open as well on Christmas.
As for movies, before the days of Blockbuster and then Netflix, theaters were often the only entertainment sources available on Christmas Eve. Since many Jews did not have a lot of money, being immigrants themselves in the 1930’s and 40’s, going to the movies was a family treat. Today, many Jewish families still seek out that great family movie in a theater on Christmas Eve or even Christmas Day. A good movie – or movies – on Netflix qualifies as well.
In our family, we still go for Chinese food and a movie. It might not be on Christmas Eve, especially if that’s a Friday night, our Shabbat; it might be take out food and Netflix; it may not be with our grown children or it may be with friends; this tradition has endured and even become part of the greater American culture; it even made it into a Modern Family episode, when the family went to a Chinese restaurant because they could only celebrate Christmas “Jewish style.” So if you don’t want the Christmas ham or turkey, check out your local Chinese restaurant on Christmas; you will be sure to meet a lot of Jews there.
We are going to take a holiday break at Torah for Christians. We will be back after New Years with a new series of podcasts, when we do a deeper dive into the Jewish calendar, talk about Shabbat, and then return to a comparison of Judaism and Christianity. I look forward to talking with you then and wish those of you who celebrate Christmas a joyous holiday and for all of you, a very happy new year.
I want to thank you for listening to Torah for Christians. Please remember to rate and review this, and previous episodes on Apple, Spotify, or other streaming services. You can also like and hear us on Facebook.
Have a wonderful week and remember; Hinei Mah Tov … L’hitra’ot, till we meet again. I’m Rabbi Jordan Parr and this is Torah for Christians.
